Dating over 40, I’ve come to realize is quite comical and that some free meals aren’t worth it and sometimes are not free. Getting back on the dating scene, well I’ve never really been on the dating scene because I was married for many many years, however after deciding to date again after my divorce I came up with numerous reasons why I should not. Seriously, I had more excuses than a man about to go to jail, but after some soul searching, hair pulling and becoming a serial battery purchaser, I decided why not. What could I lose? Well, let me tell you the pool of available men in my town is the size of a kiddie pool. I read about placing an ad, but also read somewhere that I had more chances of meeting a serial killer than finding love. So, I decided to try online dating. I created a profile, took a sexy picture at least sexy by my standards, then scrolled through this particular site viewing and reading profile after profile. The interest in my profile began immediately after I posted my first picture. When I saw my inbox had 15 messages I was excited. As I started reading my messages, I discovered that the universal first messages was “you’re pretty”, in which I replied “thanks” 13 times. Only two of the messages began with a hello. One of the messengers and I messaged each other continuously, quickly developing an online acquaintance. He soon asked if we could meet some where in public over coffee. I agreed, then I went into panic mode. What should I wear? How should I style my hair? What if he’s a serial killer? What if I got this new thing going around called cat fished? Up until now, I just assumed cat fish was what us southerners loved deep fried and covered with Louisiana Hot sauce. Yeah I was flipping channels and caught and episode of that show. Thanks for the added vote of confidence. Whoo-hoo! I looked through magazines to see what was the latest fashion trends, thinking it would help, oh boy. So I looked through this one particular magazine at star fashion and let’s just say really, No, Nada. Sheer with major cleavage was trending, but so was the fact that I would look like I was corner ready. Never mind that a 32A cup does not live up to the word cleavage. My bed was covered with clothing. I had a maybe pile, a yes pile and an absolutely not pile, then I thought about what Oprah said some years ago, “every woman needs a little black dress” and you and I know that what Oprah says. OK, so I put on a cute little black dress, accented it with silver accessories and shoes along with a black and silver clutch. After several final turns in the cheval mirror, I was first date ready, then I remembered we were meeting at a coffee shop. Back to the clothing pile I went. I decided on a knee length chevron dress and sandals. To say the least, I was looking good. On my way out of the door, I inflated my chest with confidence. Too bad I can’t do that with my minor boobs. I tossed my hair, well fluffed my twist-outs since I’m a natural girl, then smiled my best pageant girl’s smile. I make it to the coffee shop in record time. Feeling confident and excited, I entered the coffee shop where he was already seated and waiting. I slowly walked my sexiest walk over to the table where he sat smiling. I greeted him with a high pitched hello. My nerves were in high gear. He stood. I extended my hand and he shook it firmly. Very firmly. I winced. He was handsome, about 6’3 with an athletic build. His profile stated he had a master’s degree and was an educator, however the next words out of his mouth was, “You have skinny legs.” I immediately tugged at my right ear, because I must not have, surely I heard him wrong.
“Excuse me,” I replied.
Confidently he added, “You should wear pant suits and not dresses to hide those skinny legs.”
Well damn, my ears did not deceive me after all, so I smiled and politely replied, “Well maybe you should wear a helmet because it has become very clear to me that you are severely challenged and have the tact of an extinct cave man.” I turned, lifted my head high and sashayed out of that coffee shop being careful to put and extra swing in my hips. So much for the excitement of a first date. I went home, logged into my lap to and to the dating site. there you see, I did say in my statistics that my body type is skinny and petite. Definitely, not my problem that he has a master’s degree and can’t read. It is fundamental, right? I may have skinny legs, but I am also fabulous and over 40 with many A-list qualities. His loss.
Low and behold, I had an inbox from mister 6’3 apologizing. I happily, excitedly and with a quickness pressed delete without a reply. Now back to the kiddie pool I go. This fabulous and over 40 diva with A-list qualities is on a mission to find love no matter how challenging the process.